You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
