alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
