Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
