But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
