after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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