yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She bit a glass in half.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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