I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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