You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You ruined the universe
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
