Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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