ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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