I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
