I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
