"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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