So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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