Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
