I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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