Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
