I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
