Plan B is the new Plan A
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
