Im at strip club and am horny
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
