she woke up with a sticky ear
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
