Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
