I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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