I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
