The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
