so explain again why im purple
no
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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