i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
