oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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