I think my vagina is haunted
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize