but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
