I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
