Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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