My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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