ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
