people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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