i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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