I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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