part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
