can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
