Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
