My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
