If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
