he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
