Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
