Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
