sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
