I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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