What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
