He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
