you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
