i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
