I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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