that's an acceptable place to lick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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