Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
