he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
