You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize