he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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