Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
