Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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