Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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