At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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