Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had sex on a roof
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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