I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
