So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
