We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
