Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I came so hard my ears popped.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
