just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize