Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
