She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
