i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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