im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
